Going Out the House Rules ..., for teens

Going Out the House Rules ... for Teens

Obviously with a 10 and almost 7 year old ... I've not yet had to face the fierce glares of an angry teen who wants to go out with his/her mates and I'm the one standing in their way ... making life hard for them and generally wreaking havoc as only a rotten awful mum can wreak!

For those of you already with teens or those who've gone past the teen mark ... Louise you can help here too as I'm sure you've had your fair share of 'no you're not going out now' from Mum ... what do YOU all do when faced with the old "it's not fair ... why can't I go out?" whinges?

I'm really dreading the whole leaving the house without me scenario and openly admit that I could well be the mother from hell reincarnated when my boys are teens!

Any pointers?

Actually my mum was always pretty laid back, she'd tell me to go to parties and made sure I had a bit of mascara and lippy on, she'd also make sure I took a bottle of something (not strong!). This was from about the age of 14/15.

I guess she let me do these things so that I didn't reach 18 never having gone to a mad party. I suppose she thought that I might go an a massive binge if I didn't get to try alcohol in moderation.

My dad went along with all these rules, and he insisted that if I was ever stuck whatever time I had to call them rather than ring a taxi or worse still walk.
As long as they knew where the party was, and whose house I would be staying at they were okay with it.
If I wasn't allowed to a party they usually had a good reason for it.



I think my sister realised why she's only allowed one drink at a time, because she was stone cold sober on new years eve, and our cousin and her friends all had much more to drink.
They were being so stupid, flashing their knickers, running around the garden barefoot, being sick.
I think my sister got fed up of them all being like that because she said she wouldn't get stupidly drunk ever.

I like the sounds of your Mum and Dad Louise! They've obviously put some thought into how to handle the whole alcohol/party scene and it's paid off. Your sister ... pain that she may be for now ... has already learned a valuable lesson by watching her cousin and friend make complete wallies of themselves. Either that or she didn't have her best knickers on and wasn't about to show them off

My parents raised me and my siblings with their chosen religious lifestyle (JW's and NOT my idea of a fun way of growing up) ... so parties and alcohol were a definite no ... sleepovers only ever happened when I was around 15/16 and only if they knew the parents ... and school balls or dances never happened.

Because I'd grown up that way I didn't really miss what I'd never had but I sure did think about it. I ended up finding a job when I was 18 & 1/2 and because I had walked out of the religion too ... I was told I couldn't live under my parents roof if I wasn't following their religion ... so I moved out. A few months and a LOT of patience and mini-visits later ... I was able to prove to my parents that I was still the same old me just minus their religion!

But back to the going out thing ... I've found that lots of kids who are heavily restricted from doing what is now considered a normal part of teenage life ... DO cut loose and destructively so at times. You parents found the right balance ... although I'm not so sure I'd supply the mascara to my boys!

Do you have other friends who were more restricted and didn't have the same personal freedom that you were given? If so ... how did they cope with the whole party scene?

There were some twins that I was friends with who were always allowed parties and alcohol. They were quite grown up, and I never really saw them drink.
I had other friends who had to pretend they were just going to sleepovers, and when they got hold of alcohol they got stupid, did things they probably regretted, threw up everywhere.
I don't know whether its coincidence or what, but that's how it seems to work.

I suppose if you didn't like the idea of them going out and drinking, (when they are older) you could allow them an alco-pop, or half, on a Friday night each week as a reward for being good or whatever. At least then you are in control of what they are drinking.

I think I've gone off topic haven't I, this thread was about being allowed out. I guess most parents worry about their kids going out because they might drink.

I was always encouraged to be independant as well, like getting buses and trains from the age of 10, and planning my own timetable. It made me feel more grown up anyway.

I have let my 2 have a drink since they were quite youngish. You know the odd sip of wine on special occasions. I am pleased to say they both drink very little, if ever and they seem to have friends who who dont drink much either. Though I have seen what David, the eldest, would be like if he ever got drunk, he is a giggler like his Mum. When he broke his wrist he was given pethadine and was all wobbly and giggly, just like a drunk

My parents didnt let me go out to the pub, but then I wasnt interested in drink then. Chris's parent ALWAYS had drink out at their house, with meals before meals and I had to learn to drink modestly then and not get tiddly. Thats part of the reason I made sure the boys had some drink.

I dont worry about them going out with mates so much now as they have a phone each. They know the rules, a quick text is all I need. When Peter meets his mate to ride his bike he txts me when he meets him and then when he is on his way home. He has to ride on loads of counry lanes He understands why he must - a friend got badly injured in a car crash on the road he goes on.

Davids outs less than Peter but he lets me know when he is on his way home. No one know they are txting their Mum either.

If we are going to have a drink its usually at the weekend and the boys do too. Like you say I am in control of what they are drinking, sometimes they even dont have a drink. If we are responsible then I am sure they will

I must be doing the right thing then! We've always allowed the boys a little sip of wine or beer here and there. Sometimes they'll have a taste ... sometimes they won't. I'm glad we're on the right path!

It's not off topic either Louise ... we kind of roll one topic into another in here just like we would if we were all sitting around KS's living room with drinks in one hand, nibblies on the coffee table ... and chatting our silly heads off.

I'm not so sure that Conor would even want to go off on a bus on his own ... not that we have a bus system here anyway (just the school bus run) ... but I've been giving him a little more responsibility like having to ask for what he wants at shop counters, paying money and even going into the shop alone sometimes too. Little baby steps at at time eh!

I have always brought mine up to respect alcohol we have let rhem have a sip from about 13/14 and when we go out now the girls are allowed wine with a meal...
if we go to friends or relatives for a party they are now allowed whatever really-they are 17 & 18 this month so i dont realy think they ahould have too much but they are very conscientious girls..Tam is a goldfish and drinks guinness with john lol..bless her-she had 2-3 cans with blackcurrant..she goes to parties and we let her take a bottle of something usually she takes a large bottle of alcopop like WKD,but shes never silly..
Sharnie doesnt like alcohol except champagne or rose wine lol..expensive taste she doesnt like house parties and wont go-she says people get silly..and i agree..they both have friends here and we let them drink in moderation BUT we r upstairs so it never gets out of hand-sharnies crew are all mad without it lol..saturday they had pizzas n coke and giggled thru 2 films lol
Ryan well now theres another story-14 and thinks he can drink beer lol..he has been allowed the odd can over xmas-i get the feeling he would drink himself into a stupor of we let him lol..one day!..

I was never allowed alcohol-i had to be in the house by 9pm until I was 16 and left home-

I think children should be given the chance to have the odd glass so itsnot a big tabo thing-how can they learn to appreciate that lifes got many parts to it and like it or not alcohol is a large part of socialising in the society we live in-learn to drink responsibly and it takes out the binging i think

It's the learning to drink responsibly that seems to be the key! I can remember picking up a younger friend of mine and trying to sober her up before she was collected by her parents. Her Mum knew she was drinking but her Dad would have been furious. Luckily she'd be in bed before her Dad knew what was going on ... but it was always a case of excess. I wasn't around all the time to bale her out either. Her Dad was SO strict I guess it was her way of cutting loose. They'd all be dropped off by parents at the local cinema and would take off for an hour or so of heavy drinking and messing about and then arrive back just before pickup time. I'd be horrified if my boys did that to me!

Gav has never been a big drinker and rarely exceeded the limits when he was younger ... but his brother is the total opposite!